200 HR circuit but still can't freaking run......



I'm struggling tonight...I'm struggling with my running but still just threw down a kick ass circuit routine and had my heart rate up to 200 by rep 5. My totals go a little something like this:

300 jumping jacks

100 push-ups

250 high knees

35 burpees

100 crunches

70 squats

5 minutes total of wall sits

By my fifth wall sit my heart rate was up to 200 beats per minute!! That's like where you can barely count fast enough to even GET your heart rate. I am REALLY struggling at speed with my running. I have distance down...very slow but can get it. Throw me out there at a slow trot, like high 12 or low 13 minute miles and I can go forever as long as I'm fueled. I'm at a crossroads. I either feel like I just need to focus on longer distances and be ok with being a very slow runner, or I need to crack down and pick up my pace for shorter distances. I'm doing my sixth 5k this Sunday and I'm still not below a 10 minute per mile pace. I know some of you will tell me I'm being too hard on myself, and yes in a sense I am, but this is just something I want REALLY bad right now. I tend to be hard on myself, get frustrated and give up on things. I'm a perfectionist, I'm type A, I'm all about not being good, but being TOO good. If I'm not smarter than, faster than, better than, then I'm just not good enough. I know, I know....but these are my really deep down, heart and soul feelings I'm wearing on my sleeve for all of you right now. I know I have come a loooooong way over the past year, but I'm constantly comparing myself to others. Everyone I seek for motivation and inspiration are all secretly my competitors. I really need to start taking my own advice and not compare myself to anyone else but MYSELF. I think anyone in the real world of sports has a reallly hard time doing that though. What is a sport, it's a game, every game has a winner, and of course everyone wants to be a winner. Am I right?



So tonight was all about reaching a goal...and in a way I met it. I was planning on doing 2 miles tonight and setting a new PR. I think my best single mile I've ever done so far was about 10:53. I was aiming for 2 miles at 10 min miles. So here's how that went. I pushed, I mean really pushed myself my first mile and got it in 8:53! and then it hit....WHAM, outta fuel, outta breath, outta steam. I hit the wall. I'm struggling with my breathing, I seem to really fight for air when I'm running, get about half tight in my chest and cough a lot when I'm done. I keep trying to figure out if I have more of an asthma element then what I think. I used to take an inhaler in high school for exercise induced asthma, but was never really sure how much I believed in that diagnosis, because I don't ever remember actually having a test done. I did try using an inhaler (no I didn't just randomly pick one, it was my husbands and what I used in high school, just albuterol) a while back and HATED the way it made me feel. I thought my heart was literally going to come out my throat or chest. So....now I'm torn, if it is asthma I have one of 2 choices either live with it and know that my breathing might improve a little, but won't ever be able to push as hard as I want, OR if it is asthma I can use an inhaler, have my breathing improve and feel like my heart is going to explode.

Now for all of you saying, "Oh, but Adriane you just need to look back at where you came from and how much you've accomplished in the past year", I know. I really do know. It's still hard in my mind right now, I will still fight to be "winning". I know I will never actually win a race. I'm not to the point of thinking that will ever be a reality, I know it's just physically impossible for my body to run that fast, and THAT I'm ok with. It's the fact that I'M not where I want to be be, I'm NOT winning against myself right now. 

Do you really understand????

I have quite the "rant" to go on about tonight. Some people that don't know me really well, still don't understand where I "come from" when it comes to a blend of my faith and my fitness. I would like to try to expalin it as best I can tonight! There is a huge overlap of what you can feel with your faith journey and your fitness journey. People who have not taken up the "challenge" of following Jesus will not understand (I'll explain what I mean by challenge in a bit), just as people that have not taken up the challenge to get their health in check with fitness will not understand. Let me TRY....

First, when I say "challenge" of following Jesus, I'm referring to the fact that it might not be as easy as some people make it seem. A lot of non-Christians think that we as Christians have perfect lives and that Jesus makes them that way. The Bible does not tell us that at all...the Bible tells us ,"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23. Following Jesus is easy when life runs smoothly; our true commitment to Him is revealed during trials. Jesus assured us that trials will come to His followers. Discipleship demands sacrifice, and Jesus never hid that cost. NOW, this is also true of fitness. Before I started working out and being more active, I looked at people who did this on a regular basis and thought, "Oh they are just born athletes and it just comes easy for them." The more people I come across that are disciplined athletes, are the complete opposite. They have overcome hardships and many trials to be as good as they are. For a lot, it has not come easy.

Eyes On the Prize:       

Watch Sara Groves perform, "Eyes On the Prize" here

This is absolutely true of the way we should lead our spiritual life and the way we need to train our minds for anything physical. "Eyes On the Prize" is a song that was written based on Luke 9:62, Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Nothing in this world should take your eyes off of the real prize that we are continually running towards. If you look back then you are not focused enough on what you need to be, God. I don't think I need to explain too much, what "eyes on the prize" makes you think about during a race, but what I might need to explain is how I relate the two. Nothing, NOTHING I have been able to accomplish is of my own doing!! I realize this and completely embrace the grace and love that God has given to me. There is no better time for me to thank him for this, or to break out some real prayer time, than when I'm running. A lot of this is due to the fact that I use it as an analogy. Spiritually I am always trying to run in a forward motion. I love the words of Paul on this topic, "Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14. I have come such a long way spiritually and physically over the past couple of years. God prepared me spiritually first, knowing that he would then prepare me physically. I would NOT, nor did I ever in my past before turning my life over to Christ, have been able to stick with a plan and endure the discipline that it takes if it wasn't for God showing me your faith also takes discipline, especially in times of trial and tribulations. On my long runs I love to come up with a specific topic to pray about. I will also tend to make a mental list of people that I know need prayer and pray for them while I'm running. The other week there were so many that I almost wrote it out on paper to carry along with me!

I do tend to talk a lot about my training, my running, races etc., but those that know me, also know that I give ALL the glory to God on this most wonderful journey and would not be on it, if it was not for Him! I do not want anyone to lose sight of that, or to take any of my training posts, Bible verses, topics on encouragement, pictures for motivation, my goals or my accomplishments as being proud, boastful, or self-centered. Again, God is my strength in all of this and will always be my ultimate "prize". My relationship with Him has grown so much stronger in being able to connect my faith and my fitness. Having such gratitude and awe towards Him has taught me to see how powerful our God really is and all you have to do is ask for His help.

I'm not sure where He's leading me right now, but I know it's to help others. THAT is the reason why I post so much about my training and fitness. Along with all of my praises I also post my struggles. I want people to see that just like a Christian has to go through some hard times to grow, so does an athlete. (yes I believe I just actually called myself an athlete). God has placed His hands on so many people's lives by giving me the opportunity to follow Him and by answering my prayer of healing. This is what I hope God keeps doing through all that I post. It is again, NOT my doing. I just had a friend thank me today for being an inspiration to her. She was involved in a really bad car accident a few years ago and has struggled with fitness and pain issues since then. In reading my posts and blogs she has started to get some motivation to start her own journey. I shared with her today that I draw all my strength from God and that He is the reason I've been able to stick with a program. I leave you with another of my favorite verses because yes, in my mind it blends faith and fitness...and if fitness helps me draw closer to God then I say, "Go sweat!" In the end, I'm winning the "real" prize and in the end...that's really all that matters isn't it??

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. " 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

No pain, No gain

For those of you asking how my training session went..well, it went well! I am extremely sore today, but as some of you know, I live by the saying, "No pain, no gain." I first heard this saying in middle school from a field hockey coach. You KNEW the first week of field hockey, field hockey camp, that you were going to be SORE. You pretty much just went to practice, ate a whole ton of food when you got home and crashed. (as a teenager to crash at say 7-8pm..you knew you were working hard!) I've learned to embrace that saying, and try to really live that these days. I KNOW when I push myself I will undoubtedly get sore. I'm sure that some of you will find this crazy and others of you will totally get my "warped sense of thinking" but I LOVE the soreness! It's like a little reward from my hard work. I say reward meaning, I KNOW that I just kicked my own butt and yeah..that muscle there..and OH that one there, and OMG that one there....yeah they WORKED!! What do I gain from knowing that my muscles are sore? A sense of accomplishment, a sense of pride, a sense of happiness. You see, the things I'm doing these days are things that I NEVER would have imagined myself doing, even a year ago from today.

Concrete blocks, truck tires, tractor tires and my rock Buster (bust-her) are things I am training with these days. In looking up some info on the weight of tractor tires, they are estimated to weigh between 400-600lbs....I don't doubt that this one weighs any less. The average weight of a regular tire seems to be around 22 pounds. Yesterday the training I did started with a regular tire and ended with the above bad boy. Jason, the trainer, had us run quite a bit to get warmed up. (not nearly the distance that I normally run, but was pushing myself to run harder than normal as I am a slow runner). We started off doing 30 sec of step ups followed by 30 sec of push-ups hands on the tire...5 sec break and repeat. We did squats, picked up the tire, threw it out in front of us and did walking squats up to tire and threw again. We did hand over hand planking around the tires. We jumped in the tire and out, followed by kicking back to plank and back up again. Mountain climbers, forward lunges with tires on our shoulders, clean and jerks with tire and then came burpees!! 10 burpees, ran a short distance did 9 burpees, back to do 8 and so on down to 1. (that's a total of 55 burpees with runs in between, for those of you wondering). I can't say I did spectacular the whole time..but I pushed myself and tried my best. After our training session my friend Colleen and I went to tackle the tractor tire. It takes two of us to lift it. We did 10 flips down her yard and 10 flips back up. At this point I was hurting, but I always have a craving for MORE once my body feels like it's pumped up. I left and went to my parents house just down the road and did a slow, flat 2 mile run. I like doing my runs once in a while without my music. It gives me time to reflect on things and let my mind wander. My mind was wandering thinking about how freaking cool it was that I was just able to do that work-out, flip the tire and now I was running...2 miles...a distance I couldn't even begin to do a year ago! After I did all this I still ended up going for a hike with my sister later in the day...a fairly challenging hike, (lots of hills) and think probably ended up being about 3 miles.

I'm feeling really good about things again these last 2 weeks. I've started eating better again, cranked up a few notches on my training and the combo of not having junk in my diet and the natural "high" you get from working out have made me be on cloud 9. Life is just so great right now. My beast mode is officially set to on! Once I get back in the habit of working out fairly hard every day, I start to crave those work-outs more and more! Every inch of me hurts today. I did manage to make it out to the park with my nephew and sis and did some climbing around on playground equipment. I'm loving being sore right now.....I can only imagine how sore I will be after my Spartan race. I am SO looking forward to it!! No pain, no gain...and the gain I'm getting is one of health, happiness and accomplishment. 







The most expensive gift you could ask for...

What are we really here for? No matter what religion you are, the message in all is pretty clear...we are here for a purpose. If we are here for a purpose and know we are meant to do something, use our special talents and gifts, take care of our families and love one another, why would you keep doing something or NOT doing something to prevent you from being the best "you", you can be?

Most people know I am a Christian and my blog posts and overall opinions come from the aspect of that. This one will be no different. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

I view design as a form of art. God designed the skies and the oceans, the mountains and the streams. Nature is beautiful and is God’s work of art. Know what else God designed? YOU. The highest price paid for a painting just sold in 2011 for 250+ million dollars. God paid for you…the ultimate price by sending His one and only Son to die on a cross to save YOU! SO..what are you doing to take care of that life, body, soul that God designed? NOW, go eat your veggies…he designed those too!

I came up with this thought a few weeks ago. But it's true! What ARE YOU doing to take care of the wonderful body God gave you? You ARE here to do good works and you can NOT be the best "you" unless you are taking care of yourself and showing God some respect by taking care of the vessel he gave you to carry out these works.

Like I always say, I would not be on this journey of fitness if it wasn't for turning over my problems with weight and health to God. It is NOT my doing. God has brought me through this journey thus far and I know he will continue to be my side. I started a very strict diet plan again on Wednesday for lent. So far so good. It really does feel good to know that I'm honoring God by putting good things in my body and exercising to keep it in shape. This morning when I was reading my devotionals I needed a little extra "umph" and started quickly flipping through my book hoping that God would answer this need, and take me to a really good one..and He did! Here it is, this is why and what God feels about us taking care of ourselves.....

"Didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you." 1 Corinthians 6:19 msg

Are you shaping up or spreading out? Do you eat sensibly and exercise regularly, or do you spend your time on the couch with a Twinkie in one hand and a remote in the other? Are you choosing to treat your body like a temple or a trash heap? How you answer these questions will help determine how long you live and how well you live.

Physical fitness is a choice, a choice that requires discipline--it's as simple as that. So, do yourself this favor: treat your body like a one-of-a-kind gift from God....because that's precisely what your body is.

"Maximum physical health happens when the body--with all it's chemicals,parts and systems--is functioning as closely to the way God designed it to function."--Dr. Walt Larimore

So you see, we are instructed specifically by the big guy upstairs to take care of ourselves! Like I said earlier, we ARE part of his grand artwork. Would you walk into a museum and deface a famous painting? It's the same thing we are doing to our bodies when we are constantly feeding it junk food and living a sedentary lifestyle. God paid the highest price for us. Treat your body as a gift...the most expensive gift you could ever ask for! 



L3-L4, L4-L5 can kiss it, along with ya dumb facets!

I did a hard work-out inside today rather than going out, due to a chest cold I've been fighting off all week. I'll post my links on here to what I did. I decided I wanted to do something different than the same old crap I've been doing. I thought I'd go to youtube and try and check some new stuff out. I was hoping I'd stumble across some video's I could actually use to do a work-out. I DID! I came up with this routine that was about an hour or so long and then I did my normal stretching routine.

10 Minute Trainer 2 minute warm-up video

10 minute custom P90X Cardio Work-out

Insanity 20 minute work-out- Fat Burner

P90X Ab Ripper

Followed by some good 'Ol push-ups!

I'm not gonna lie I probably only did about HALF of this work-out (between figuring out what I was doing and having to stop and catch my breath) . It was VERY hard for me to do. It made me realize I definitely need to get back into a routine of incorporating a LOT MORE strength/cardio/plyo into my regular routine. Running I have down...there are things I need to work on, but my distance is coming along and I'm pretty darn sure that if I start incorporating some of this other stuff I will start improving my speed....along with all the hills I've started running! I tried watching these video's before I did them and I was still all confused as to what I was supposed to be doing half the time! I was working out in the kids room that is in the transition of becoming my step-son's, more so than my daughter's, due to living arrangements. (reason for the half stripped purple paint and other half completely obsessed beyond insane Chicago Bears paraphernalia) This is a VERY small space and I was trying to watch these video's off my laptop. (So don't tell me you have NO WHERE and NOTHING TO USE to work-out! No excuses!)



One of the things that really threw me were the exercises in the Ab Ripper video. I've ALWAYS been able to do a lot of ab work. The position you start in though made it really hard for me to do. I could definitely feel strain on my lower back. I get really frustrated when my physical problems start interfering with my work-outs. I wanna do more and just can't. I was loving the routine at the end...the leg walks..

and Russian Twits....Russian Twists I think are one of my ALL TIME favorite exercises!

All in all I had a good work-out today. I did miss running, but figured it best to give my lungs a little more healing time before I go hard in the damp and cold. I'll continue to really work on my core and know that strengthening this will also help my back in the long run! No matter what...I'll always, always, always LOVE my push-ups and so glad that I can do them again. My shoulder is doing much better!

By the end of my work-out...this is how it was! Actually that's how I felt...this was actually only about 1/4 of the way into my work-out!!!



 



Excuses are for loser's..even if it bites ya later!

So I did my longest run ever on Saturday over 6 1/2 miles. Never, EVER thought when I started running I'd be logging those kind of miles. I'm still working on my time and unfortuneately hate to admit, I still stop for short walk breaks...but really? Over 6 miles!! When I started running last June (crazy to think it hasn't even been a year yet) I couldn't even run 2 minutes at a time. My training schedule called for me to do 2 minutes of running followed by 4 minutes of walking and repeat 4 times. It just completely amazes me to see how far I've come in a short amount of time! I must say, it hasn't been easy. Taking a bit of time off here and there when my kidney's flare-up gets really frustrating. I must admit though I feel better and better all the time. My back problems have improved GREATLY..I still have pain and know that SOMEDAY I will still need surgery but I will push that off as long as I possibly can!! It's crazy how much exercise can help you. I was worried at first about my knee's...carrying many, many extra pounds along for a run, when your muscles are not built up, makes for some sore joints. Everything started to get better and the pains slowly started going away, to where I could lose the knee brace, and not ice afterwards.

This weekend marked a new found determination. I had my longest run ever scheduled and felt like I might be getting sick. I WAS GOING TO DO MY RUN!! I just had a sore throat and some sniffles..was JUST starting with a cough..but wasn't going to let that deter me. I went out and pushed through an over 6 1/2 mile long run. It felt great!! The sense of accomplishment is overwhelming when you realize you're doing something you never thought you would do! I came home hacking and coughing. I did a lot of stretching and took it easy the rest of the day. I woke up Sunday morning feeling GREAT. All of that came crashing to a hault last night when I couldn't fall asleep until after 3am due to coughing...took a mucinex dm on an empty stomach and woke up feeling like complete crap. I slept until about 12:30pm and have been on my sofa ever since. Do I think this came about because I went on my run??? I don't think so. I think this was going to come about anyhow and that exercising did NOT make it worse. If I used excuses to NOT do a work-out I wouldn't BE working out and running. "I'm tired. My joints hurt. It's late. I don't feel like it. My back hurts. I think I'm coming down with something. It's dark out. It's cold out. I'll do it tomorrow. I don't think I can. I just don't feel like it. I worked out really hard yesterday. I'll work out extra tomorrow."

I've come to a point where I don't wanna make excuses...even if I should. Do I think I'd be laid up on my sofa today if I didn't do my run on Saturday..I'm not sure...would I take it back? Absolutely NOT! Did I do my run today? Nope....so do I feel like I know my limits? Yep! Do I plan to get back out there ASAP when my body "tells me" that I can? You know it!! So go ahead, tell me,...what's your excuse??

Hills and Mountains

I've been in a funk lately with my training and my eating. Where most people are making New Year's resolutions to get in shape and eat better, I was at the end of another 40 day partial fast and went all crazy with my eating. NOW when I say all crazy with my eating, my "crazy" is probably still about 75% better than what I was eating on a normal basis when I was at my highest weight. I hate being in a funk. There are many things I pull from when I'm in a funk, God being first, family being second, and just looking back at all that I've accomplished over the past year. It's funny how a simple little injury can really get you bummed out. The week afterThanksgiving I finally had enough with my shoulder pain and said something to the doc. She told me to rest it and ice and the usual. SO I did. Her comment was...."I'm pretty sure..and I don't wanna be pesimistic here, but if it's been bothering you for as long as it has I don't think it's going to heal quickly and you'll probably end up needing an MRI".

The week OF Thanksgiving I did one of my hard core circuit sessions and REALLY pushed myself. This involves LOTS of over head kettlebell swings, push-ups and I was using Buster (my 16 lb training buddy/rock) to do clean and jerks. I THEN went to the gym for the first time (with my shoulder hurting) and did the 30 minute full body circuit at fairly high weights. (my trainer does obstacle races, was fully aware I was training for one and obviously wasn't gonna go easy on me). Well..that pushed my shoulder over the edge. MRI came back showing arthritis (of course where DON'T I have it) bursitis and acute bone marrow edema. Started P.T. a few weeks ago and been trying to work mostly at home with this using resistance bands.

Cutting out most which then became ALL upper body work-outs threw me for a loop. I knew I had to keep concentrating on my running to train for my 10k, but I let myself fall into a slump with everything else. This has me ALLL messed up physically and emotionally.

I am now trying to pull myself back up again and get back in the saddle. Today's race was GREAT and I actually set a new P.R. This has me pumped up. I'm at 1 more week of P.T. until I can start trying some push-ups (I really miss them) and regardless I need to start doing more overall. This week is going to SUCK. Going to EMR at work and was told will basically be living there for a while until we get familiar with the system. I'm learning that there will be points that you hit bottom (or pretty darn close) but I'm still at a point in my life where I WILL NOT let that consume me. I am fully prepared to pick my "woe is me" self back up off the floor and start kicking some major butt again. It's the vicious cycle of my body attacking itself and feeling horrible, but knowing that I NEED to exercise and get moving to make it feel better.

As far as the diet issues...I am really looking into starting to eat Paleo or VERY close to it. I'm not quite sure how far I want to take it, but am fully aware these "40 day partial fasts" end up killing me in the long run. Why if I can last 40 days on them can't I make it my full lifestyle? There is a LOT of crap out there in the food world. This is why most of our nation is considered obese. It's really easy to eat crap and do nothing. No one ever said being healthy was easy. You have your super models and skinny girls that can eat what they want and get away with it, but that's not healthy. Healthy is NOT about what you look like on the outside. It's about what you are doing to keep yourself healthy on the inside. I am fully aware that I am probably in much better shape than a lot of  skinnier, younger people that are out there.

Today was a day of finding my 'hitting it hard and kick butt attitude" buried under a rock. Amazingly enough I found it under Buster before my race and I guess it showed with my new P.R. ;-)

I know I am not alone on this incredible journey. Today's race was HARD. There were lots of hills and it was very cold. I kept pushing and had a song come on my mp3 player that talked of holding your hand. I immediately related it to God and knew that he was right there holding my hand. What an inredible feeling! Sometimes I think He puts you down from your "high", humbles you a little and gives some "down time" to reflect on where you've come from and think about where you're going to go. I can't express enough how I know that He is the reason for my strength. I really feel that I am meant to be a testimony to others who struggle with the same problems. I feel that sharing the bad times as well as the good is also nice for others to see that I am NOT superwoman, Miss Fitness USA, and any other crazy name that I've heard recently. I AM REAL just like everyone else just struggling along on the journey we call life.

"It is not the level of achievement or the nubmers attached to a P.R. It is the size of our hearts. It is what we do in those moments when all hope seems lost and we are confronted with a choice to give up or keep trying. It is what we learn about ourselves through those dire circumstances that gives us the courage and strength to conquer the other challenges and hills in our lives."

-Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano

My verses for the day

"You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God are my fortress." -Psalm 59:9

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"-2 Corinthians 12:9