You’re getting hit hard right now. What you need to do is prove that you can keep moving forward!! Go out and get what you’re worth!! You are NOT a coward!! Look how far you’ve come in the past 16 months. Just think about how much further you would be ahead right now if you didn’t slack off once in a while. Eating is hard right now…being poor sucks for healthy food, but don’t use it as an excuse!! There ARE healthy options that are cheap. You need to force yourself to make better choices when you are able.
Use that faith that you learned a couple years ago and put it to work. Let God handle all this other garbage around you and don’t let it bring you down. Stop getting all worried and anxious. That’s what puts you in a bad mood and that’s what makes you want to close up, become unmotivated, and sleep it all away. When that happens..go exercise!! God has given you such wonderful opportunities to be an inspiration to people and to probably someday use your story to help others. Don’t you think he’s gonna give you a really good one to share??!! The better the story, the more powerful the message. People will relate to you better if you’ve been in their shoes. This might mean physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially…he’s covering all bases why can’t you see that!! This struggle you are going through right now is only to make you stronger…this mess of a battle..emotionally, spiritually and financially. All this junk here doesn’t matter in the end. I know you’re not materialistic, but there are people out there much worse off than you. Be thankful for the things you do have!!
God loves you and he won’t let anything drastic happen to you. It’s all sifted through his hands. He gave you such a wonderful gift of perseverance and determination. You need to start using that to get through this. Use the analogy part of your exercise….running the race is extremely hard but crossing the finish line makes it all worth it in the end. You train long and hard for a race….what else do you think you’re training for? Imagine the feeling when you cross the real finish line…. Everything will fall together and make perfect sense to you in the end. You never know what life will bring….our time here is unknown. You could die tomorrow. Do you want everyone coming to your funeral saying, “oh she was such a grump the last couple weeks, she was so depressed and upset about things.”? Or do you want them saying, “wow she really was amazing. Even after all she was going through she really handled it well and walked through life with a smile on her face, even in the worst of times.”?
All of this “stuff” isn’t coming along with you. All of this “stuff” isn’t what got you to come around to find God. It was your experiences and the challenges that God placed before you that brought you to where you are. He isn’t going anywhere, He’s just helping you become a better you, and that’s not always easy. Just like becoming a better healthier you isn’t easy.
So this is how I left this letter...kinda open ended. Those six weeks are gone now...and my race is in 3 days!! I plan on taking some time tomorrow and Friday to reflect over the past year...and will write another blog..maybe even another letter. I can't wait for race day..and of COURSE there will be a race re-cap!