Tomorrow is the big day...shoulder surgery. I've been all kinds of messed up this weekend on an emotional roller coaster. When you're in the medical field you know things sometimes that you just wish you didn't know. Some situations are better to be stupid about than have a lot of knowledge. So they're doing a "Resection of my distal clavicle with acromioplasty" in Lehman's terms means, they are cutting off the last 1/2 inch of my collar bone that connects at my shoulder, which is your AC joint and then going in and cleaning out my joint space. I have really bad arthritis and my bones are clicking and rubbing together. They cut off the bone so it will eventually build scar tissue and make it stop rubbing, preventing more deterioration and arthritis. There, now you all had your health lesson for the day.
I've been REALLY slacking lately...eating horribly and not working out like I should be. I've been trying to rest my shoulder as best I can. I feel really weak at the moment and just want this surgery done and over with. I think ever since I actually scheduled it, I've had it in my mind that I could let myself go and I'll rebuild everything back up after surgery...wrong way to look at things! I AM SO excited though to get to physical therapy and start working on getting back on track. I've really been trying to think about how far I've come on my journey thus far, and keep in mind allll the other things I have on my bucket list (which is A LOT) and realize that the Spartan race wasn't my, "ok I've done what I've come to do, now let's pack it up and call it a life of fitness." I've really been struggling with that. I think somewhere in the back of my mind I feel like, "ok that was enough, it was a struggle and I don't want to rock the boat more than what I did." I've got to keep reminding myself of THIS
Just because I have a before and after HERE, doesn't mean I can't make ANOTHER before and after!! I took off a lot of the weight now it's time to really crack down and make things better!! I want muscles, I want definition, and I want my strength back!! It's extra hard when you're not seeing results almost instantaneously like you did in the beginning. Back when I started this journey it was nothing to shave off a few inches and go down about 5 pounds in 1 week. Now those inches slowly creeeeeeep off over a few weeks to months, and the weight just kinda stays around the same. I know better than to let that get to me and make me give up! Why in the world would I let myself feel sorry for myself and slowly fade back into my former self! NO, we are NOT going there!!
I've let my mind go and my body has followed. It's time to get back on track, jump off the pity train and crack open that inner warrior voice telling me to STFU and MOVE!! Surgery day is almost here...I WILL be fine and I WILL move forward, cause baby there is NO, NO, NO, going back now!