I've been in a funk lately with my training and my eating. Where most people are making New Year's resolutions to get in shape and eat better, I was at the end of another 40 day partial fast and went all crazy with my eating. NOW when I say all crazy with my eating, my "crazy" is probably still about 75% better than what I was eating on a normal basis when I was at my highest weight. I hate being in a funk. There are many things I pull from when I'm in a funk, God being first, family being second, and just looking back at all that I've accomplished over the past year. It's funny how a simple little injury can really get you bummed out. The week afterThanksgiving I finally had enough with my shoulder pain and said something to the doc. She told me to rest it and ice and the usual. SO I did. Her comment was...."I'm pretty sure..and I don't wanna be pesimistic here, but if it's been bothering you for as long as it has I don't think it's going to heal quickly and you'll probably end up needing an MRI".
The week OF Thanksgiving I did one of my hard core circuit sessions and REALLY pushed myself. This involves LOTS of over head kettlebell swings, push-ups and I was using Buster (my 16 lb training buddy/rock) to do clean and jerks. I THEN went to the gym for the first time (with my shoulder hurting) and did the 30 minute full body circuit at fairly high weights. (my trainer does obstacle races, was fully aware I was training for one and obviously wasn't gonna go easy on me). Well..that pushed my shoulder over the edge. MRI came back showing arthritis (of course where DON'T I have it) bursitis and acute bone marrow edema. Started P.T. a few weeks ago and been trying to work mostly at home with this using resistance bands.
Cutting out most which then became ALL upper body work-outs threw me for a loop. I knew I had to keep concentrating on my running to train for my 10k, but I let myself fall into a slump with everything else. This has me ALLL messed up physically and emotionally.
I am now trying to pull myself back up again and get back in the saddle. Today's race was GREAT and I actually set a new P.R. This has me pumped up. I'm at 1 more week of P.T. until I can start trying some push-ups (I really miss them) and regardless I need to start doing more overall. This week is going to SUCK. Going to EMR at work and was told will basically be living there for a while until we get familiar with the system. I'm learning that there will be points that you hit bottom (or pretty darn close) but I'm still at a point in my life where I WILL NOT let that consume me. I am fully prepared to pick my "woe is me" self back up off the floor and start kicking some major butt again. It's the vicious cycle of my body attacking itself and feeling horrible, but knowing that I NEED to exercise and get moving to make it feel better.
As far as the diet issues...I am really looking into starting to eat Paleo or VERY close to it. I'm not quite sure how far I want to take it, but am fully aware these "40 day partial fasts" end up killing me in the long run. Why if I can last 40 days on them can't I make it my full lifestyle? There is a LOT of crap out there in the food world. This is why most of our nation is considered obese. It's really easy to eat crap and do nothing. No one ever said being healthy was easy. You have your super models and skinny girls that can eat what they want and get away with it, but that's not healthy. Healthy is NOT about what you look like on the outside. It's about what you are doing to keep yourself healthy on the inside. I am fully aware that I am probably in much better shape than a lot of skinnier, younger people that are out there.
I know I am not alone on this incredible journey. Today's race was HARD. There were lots of hills and it was very cold. I kept pushing and had a song come on my mp3 player that talked of holding your hand. I immediately related it to God and knew that he was right there holding my hand. What an inredible feeling! Sometimes I think He puts you down from your "high", humbles you a little and gives some "down time" to reflect on where you've come from and think about where you're going to go. I can't express enough how I know that He is the reason for my strength. I really feel that I am meant to be a testimony to others who struggle with the same problems. I feel that sharing the bad times as well as the good is also nice for others to see that I am NOT superwoman, Miss Fitness USA, and any other crazy name that I've heard recently. I AM REAL just like everyone else just struggling along on the journey we call life.
"It is not the level of achievement or the nubmers attached to a P.R. It is the size of our hearts. It is what we do in those moments when all hope seems lost and we are confronted with a choice to give up or keep trying. It is what we learn about ourselves through those dire circumstances that gives us the courage and strength to conquer the other challenges and hills in our lives."
-Adam Goucher and Tim Catalano
My verses for the day
"You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God are my fortress." -Psalm 59:9
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"-2 Corinthians 12:9