So it's been a pretty crazy week in my world and this is probably going to be a long blog, but a lot has happened and I really want to share all of it!! Monday started off with me going for a first time group run with a group of women I linked up with online. A few were some that I'm going to be running a marathon relay with tomorrow. I've been really emotional this week. John lost his job about 3 weeks ago and finances are now crashing down on us. I'm not talking we have credit card debt (we have no credit cards) I'm talking months behind on all of our basic needs. Waiting for the car to be repossesed, a month behind on the rent, a few weeks away from our electric being shut off. Been really bummed about everything and feeling frustrated that I at least want to be able to take care of the kids...food, clothes etc. I thought my run would restore some of the faith I've slowly been losing as of late. Running with these women might sound like no big deal to some, but if you know my story thus far it was a really big deal to me. Starting to get more involved in racing and meeting new runners is a totally new world to me and it is amazing!! Being able to share your passion with other's is a feeling I haven't had for a very long time. When I was done with my run I couldn't help but think about how awesome our God is. He has placed all these new amazing people in my life little by little. I thought about my financial situation and thought about how far God has let me come with my physical problems and health and realized that God isn't going to let things crash and burn around me. At that moment a very special song came on the radio, "I Can Only Imagine". This song was played at John's grandmother's funeral which is one of the moments that helped me to turn my life back over to God. The song was a reminder of 1. "I'm right here Adriane and I'm not going anywhere" 2. My feelings of awe and amazement here on Earth are going to be NOTHING compared to when I reach heaven. I pretty much bawled...like all out sobbed the whole way home (30 minutes) crying out asking why all this is happening, but also realizing that He is here with me and knowing that I'll be ok. It's ok to be angry with God sometimes. We won't ever know why things happen sometimes...but even in those moments I trust that he knows what he's doing.
My week went on and things started getting worse. I got my paycheck and after paying rent realized how much money we will have for the next 2 weeks and really started to freak out. Last night was NOT a good night. I still went and met with some ladies to work-out but couldn't really get into it. I broke down at my parents house and told them "I just don't know what we're going to do." I broke down with my 2 friends I was working out with and asked them to just pray as hard as they can, because John had an interview this morning. I told them that my faith was wavering and I know God is with us but really hard to keep your faith when your world is crashing and burning all around you. I've had a song in my head all week from church, "God You Are Faithful". It kept playing over and over again in my head. I started getting more and more angry that this song kept playing in my head, but I wasn't feeling it in my heart. John went for his interview and it was a total bust...AGAIN! Was strictly comission and paid horribly. In a moment of desperation John decided to take his grandfather's arrowhead collection, that was given to him by his father and see what he could get for it. He went to an antique place and was told the women who buys arrowhead wouldn't be around for several weeks. He started talking to a couple of the vendors and some apparent regulars. They were asking him about his situation and why he was looking to sell them. The convo went a little and they were talking about how bad the economy is and about how many people are in such bad situations. He really started talking to a woman who completely understood his situation and had also been on unemployment at one point. John explained that he used up all his unemployment and just lost another recent job due to health issues and now we are trying to make it on my income alone.
John packed up his arrowheads and started heading out to the Jeep. This woman had given him some ideas on where to look for a job and as John was walking to the Jeep she yelled to him, "Sir, Sir." John turned and asked, "yes?" thinking she might want to give another idea for a job. The woman said to him, "I know your situation. I have been there. Someone did something for me a few years ago and told me that when I was able, the only thing they asked was that I pay it forward. I feel that you are the person that I'm supposed to pay it forward to." She proceeded to hand John a wad of cash...and immediately John said, "no, no, keep your money I can't take that!" The woman stated very sternly, "NO....take it, I refuse to take no for an answer!". At this point John could see that the top bill was a $100 bill...and started to tear up and asked if he could give her a hug. She said, "of course". John thanked her over and over again and got in the Jeep. When he got in he looked to see exactly how much was there.....1,2,3,4,5.....all one hundred dollar bills!! $500!!! WOW!!! Tears flowed from him as he realized how great our God is!! A grown man sitting alone in his car with tears streaming down his face. He called me at work to tell me the news and same thing...tears...sobbing....I couldn't believe it! Clearly this was straight from God himself. We did not know this woman....it wasn't just $25 or some small amount of money....it was $500 from a complete stranger!!! My faith was immediately restored. This was God's way of letting me know AGAIN..."I am RIGHT here, and I am NOT going anywhere. You are my child. I will protect you, and care for you. I will not let you break or fall. You are safe in my hands. Everything comes in my time...not yours. John might not have gotten a job today, but I'm going to give you a weeks pay anyhow...just to show you that you CAN put your trust in me and I WILL make it happen."
Later, John and I realized how MANY, many people were praying for us last evening and this morning. Friends, family, people I've never met and only know online, and others that are in similar situations. Prayer really does help! You can throw around statistics, equations, facts and figures to try and explain things sometimes....and yes sometimes you can come up with a good answer....but the only answer I can come up with, and the answer I hope people realize in my telling this story, is that God really does answer prayers..there is none too big and none too small. I don't know too many people that can say they were given $500 from a complete stranger!
I have my race tomorrow, 6 miles...the longest distance to do so far. I always get extremely emotional before a race realizing how far I've come. This week was just a total rollercoaster! My mind is still spinning round and round and round....I'm hoping to just sloooooow it down on my run tomorrow. Now that my faith has been restored back to where it should be I'm feeling a lot better. Emotional things take so much out of you physically. I am so grateful to be able to do the things I've been doing physically. I am really excited to be a part of a marathon. I again just love the analogy of running a race and life. I can't wait to cross the finish line tomorrow, but even better I can't wait to cross the finish line of my life. Going over these hurdles and falling down sometimes just makes the "finish line" look so much sweeter, after all.....this is not my home!